Mendok is the japanese word for trouble. Trouble-maker is what the world is. And this is what my granny believed. Like all other grannies I had pigeonholed her as a sweet, story-telling old soul. I couldn't be further from the truth. Beacuse she wielded a sort of wit that often sliced through all topsy-turviness in a manner as a katana would slice through butter. She looked more frail than any other creature I had ever seen. But the minute, that wit of hers ensnared me, I stood enlightened. That toothless smile, that maimed laugh, painted a picture. A picture of the world languishing in fetters, stuck in the vines of confusion. And my granny floating somewhere in the distance, smiling away. And if I allowed the granny in the picture to speak, I knew what she might say.
'Ahh! People! You can't walk your path, which your mother taught you fully well. If there are ten swamps and 100 crocodiles in each, you will still be as shiny and plump as my Brinda in the shed. But you people see others. Their swamps look like bright paddy fields. And you charge like a bull, break your fence and end up the way you are.'
Why was granny this way? Why couldn't she just leave the lemons in the sun to be pickled, tell stories about kings and queens to the obliging infants, chant a few prayers a day and maybe even groan about the inevitable a few times? To tell the truth, she did do those things. But that was because of the tugs of her abrupt whims. The same whims which also led her to set the cows in the shed free, to convince the man-servant Madru that his wife was cheating on him, and then curse herself for having done these things. And these more unusual actions eclipsed the normal 'granny behaviour'. People who came under her spitfire said, 'Her old man is gone. The poor thing is demented. Hence we must quench our tempers and not retaliate.' A few had also suggested that the demises of grandpa and her brother, one after another, were too much for her. And to cope up with all the distress she had conjured up her own little wonderland. Seeing the world through her own eyes, she rationalized everything with her self-made principles. As weirdly similar to a pshycological syndrome that may sound like, I for one thought, it could be true. However, the flash of rational ingenuity sported in those 'principles' was that, which had amazed me. But many a men in the village of Badchana saw things differently. The wisdom with the usual garnish of sarcasm was just rude behaviour for them.
Granny was usually reticent. Her sword remained well-sheathed during fights with grandpa. My mom once held her hand and said, 'Do you miss him?'
'Who? My old man? He got what he deserved...'
'Don't say such things. He was...'
'Ahh! You people! The chap was lucky. Mankind is a big swarm of fruitflies. They have barged into Bhagavan's house to nibble at Dharti, the fruit. Now, Bhagavan has lit a fly-killer coil in a corner. Each fly must die slowly with time. But he is also impatient and is swatting the flies angrily. The lucky ones die in a snap. The less lucky ones wither away slowly. My old man was a honest little man. That accident was just as kind as Bhagavan could be.'
My pious mom has doubts on granny's sanity to this day.
Granny's reticence got ruptured at times. I could never predict the same. I had seen senseless people yapping around senseless things just making her go to sleep. And again, in less provocative times, the gates would open. One such occassion was the village "Satsang". The fuse was a man from the town; the spark was something he said about judging friends. ('Judging who is your friend, is very important. Friendship is like nectar...')
She got up. Some sighed, a few hissed and cursed under their breath. 'Ahh! You people! Kalia here is our shepherd. The sheep are like his children. Yet one of them today, kicked him in the eye. He is all scarred and now looks like Kalia, the street dog. If a bullock-cart never asks you a coin for the ride, go see if your wide smells of bull-hide. But even if a good deed has no motive, its still just an impulse. Impulse can repeat, making us drink the venom of trust. Having trust is like walking on rope. You walk a hand's length; you think that you can also walk the rest. You term the journey friendship. You obviously fall in a step or two and call it betrayal. Ahh! People!' These memories are clear in my head. They obscure more important things. For example, granny getting cancer, granny getting hospitalized and then granny dying. The day of her funeral is what I vaguely remember.
A garland of chinaroses adorned a picture of granny. A few people around were sobbing. Amidst all this, my father got up. He walked to the corpse and sighed. He spoke, 'Friends! My mother was a very kind woman, with the heart of an angel...'
I could swear, I heard the picture speak, 'Ahh! People...'
Cute insight into your grandmother's character, with certain typically Abhishekesque turns of phrases.
ReplyDeleteSome things that jarred:
The fact that 'mendok' is the Japanese word for trouble seemed to me wholly irrelevant to the tale, and seemed to be inserted simply to allow the following sentence to have something to latch on to.
"...all topsy-turviness in a manner as a katana..." - Don't 'in a manner' and 'as' mean more or less the same thing? Seems to be a tautology. It might sound better without the 'in a manner'.
"She looked more frail..." - Have you deliberately preferred 'more frail' than 'frailer'?
"But the minute, that wit of hers..." - The comma seems quite unwarranted.
You've used the term 'old man' to refer to your grandfather, apparently. I think that's probably a calque from the original Oriya... As I'm sure you know, 'old man' typically refers to one's father.
"A few also suggested...were too much from her." - 'had been too much for her' might be more accurate.
"...self-made principles." - The term 'self-made' got me thinking. When we talk of a self-made man, we mean a man who owes his success primarily to himself, i.e., who has made himself. By the same token, 'self-made principles' should refer to principles that manifested themselves spontaneously, sans anything external being involved in their coming into existence. This is, of course, an extremely pedantic line of thought, and let me assure you that the meaning you intended (that the principles were particular to your granny) is pretty evident. The pedantic analysis has been presented as nothing but food for thought.
"As weirdly similar...may sound like" - 'As weirdly similar to a psychological syndrome as that may sound' is the pattern I've encountered in the overwhelming majority of cases, so much so that the pattern you've used seems quite alien. That isn't to say it's incorrect, of course. But worth verifying, perhaps; unless you're in no doubt as to its propriety.
"I could never predict the same." - "The same" reeks of officialese.
"I heard the picture speak," - Consider changing 'speak'. Something like 'sigh' or 'utter' might sound better.
Don't let the fact that I'm not pointing out specific pluses get to you. That is not to say I found nothing but solecisms in it. The overall effect was, as I mentioned earlier, cute.
Not to sound patronising, but keep writing! :)
Gracias! Arigato! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteFor all the painstaking atomic dissection(literally) that you submitted my work to. Following your lead in the comment:-
'mendok' of course, is just another pluck from the Brownian mesh of thoughts, with no effect desired to achieve through its almost inappropriate use.
The katana(one more entity drawn from my newly acquired and limited repertoire of elements from the Japanese culture)... acute observation on your part. Changing the writing style and evolving it, has a little termite-of-a-backlash for me: the grammar starts going haywire. But the termite can end up eating out huge holes in the walls of my modest literary castle. And I do trust you to swat those little buggers dead, till I start learning.
However, for some inexplicable reason, I believe 'in a manner' would fit in better.
'more frail' is absolutely deliberate. I thought it packed more of a punch than frailer.
Comma's the verfiform appendix of that line. And that's you, meticulous as ever.
The reference to 'old man' of course is Oriya-specific. Kudos for guessing that. And giving some casual remark here, I will say that this is an example of 'culture-specifics' in languages, that play out as a very troublesome knave in the process of learning the language.
'Had been' is the correct tense that is warranted there. Rookie 'mish'take on my part.
Nice take on self-made principles.
I am yet to look it up. Your suggestion about 'psychological..' does seem intriguing.
I really beg to differ, and fail to see the 'officialese' here.
I think 'sigh' would blend in more amicably. Just a random query: could 'speak up' replace speak?
Overall...
I am overjoyed that a sensible and intelligent creature could bring himself to drag through my well, not-so-short stories, and even comment on his rueful experience( I am sure modesty found a new synonym just now :-P)
But what let me down was...
The absence of analysis at a writer's level apart from a grammarian. A writer, needless to say has to be as good as a grammarian at any time. But I expected a more literary treatment: comments regarding the character development, the flow etc.
(can't wait for your take on ALL OF THIS..:-))
To my (admittedly somewhat biased) ears, 'speak up' doesn't seem to work in that case.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that I haven't touched on the more literary aspects of this piece. I think that was a consequence of my firm ensconcement in my comfort zone on the one hand, and the somewhat overwhelming density of information in the piece, on the other. But point taken. Henceforth, I'll try being more mindful of the aspects that matter most to a writer.
wow! so who is more cool?
ReplyDeletesort of undecided based on the pseudo-altercation above i guess
ReplyDeleteI am a person of more words always... but yet I will say.. something.. "it seemed to just pass over like.. a parallel to tangent to my head !"
ReplyDeleteThis piece has been written very very well..The underlining thought.. reminds me of our very own R K lakshman... the way he started off with swami.. n his granny...Your language is superb..! but honestly... speaking... it could have been better..
In the sense that.. language is meant for communication... It has to convey your thought to average literates...or men (women alike) of literature... n this piece might fail to do so... Coz if a person like me... sure an average in literary world.. had to struggle to get it.. all word by word... consider the people absolutely novice..
Good... keep it up... think in the ways that are a tad bit different from conventional stereotypic writing... which indeed is in u... but rememeber always... 'simplicity always enhances the beauty of writing' :)